#104 How To Master The Sensual Touch — Margaret Kaye

How to Master the Power of Touch: A Guide to Sensual and Non-Sexual Touch

Welcome to the Sensual Sessions Podcast episode #104 How To Master The Sensual Touch, this is the second one with Margaret Kaye. I’m your host Candia Raquel and today we're diving deep into the world of touch—both sensual and non-sexual—and its profound impact on well-being.

Margaret Kaye will help us explore the concept of “touch hunger”—the lack of physical contact and its potential effects on our development and well-being. Touch is not just about physical sensation; it’s essential for cognitive and emotional growth.

Why Touch Matters

Touch is a fundamental human experience. From infancy, it’s crucial for our physical and emotional development. However, societal norms and personal experiences can complicate our understanding of touch. That´s why it´s important to explore how touch influences our lives with set boundaries so it safely enhance our connections with ourselves and others.

The Science Behind Touch

In our first episode with Margaret, we delved into the science of sensitivity and pleasure. Touch is integral to our health, recovery, and overall quality of life. It’s not just about physical sensations; touch affects our mental, emotional, and spiritual realms.

Today, we’re focusing on: 

• Sensual Touch: Understanding and appreciating touch that’s not necessarily sexual but deeply enriching and pleasurable.
• Setting Boundaries: Differentiating between arousal and non-arousal touch and how to navigate these boundaries with sensitivity and respect. 

Understanding Touch And Consent: A Guide To Navigating Human Interaction In Modern Times

Human touch is a fundamental aspect of our genetic makeup, crucial for our emotional and physical well-being. However, in the modern world, as we age and adapt to new cultural norms, our experience and practice of touch can change significantly.

As a movement professionals, we´ve learned the importance of professional touch and respecting consent, whether it's with yourself or others, is essential for a positive sensory experience. Here’s what we’ve found crucial:

1. Mutual Consent: In interactions with others, ensure that both parties are comfortable with the touch or sensory experience. Always seek verbal consent before touching, and be explicit about your intentions. This is crucial whether you're a movement teacher or simply interacting with friends. Consent transforms power dynamics into a collaborative and respectful exchange. Be aware of which areas are appropriate to touch. For instance, avoid sensitive areas unless necessary and always communicate clearly.
2. Current Restrictions: In places like New York, most instructors are prohibited from touching clients due to the risk of misuse. This underscores the importance of understanding the positive and negative implications of touch.
3. Self-Consent: Regularly check in with yourself about what feels right. If you’re uncertain about an experience, take a step back and give yourself the time to assess. This respect for your own boundaries enhances your overall well-being. 

The Evolution Of Touch In Modern Life

As children, we experience touch frequently through hugs, cuddles, and playful interactions. However, as we grow older, the frequency and nature of touch often decrease. In contemporary society, where personal space and boundaries are emphasized, touch can become more regulated and less spontaneous. Culture play a significant role in how we engage with touch.

Reflecting On Power Dynamics And Personal Agency

Victor Frankl's quote, "Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." Underscores the importance of our ability to choose how we respond to physical touch.

In any situation where touch is involved, whether it's a therapeutic setting or a casual encounter, we have the opportunity to make a conscious choice about our response. This moment of reflection allows us to navigate touch with awareness and respect, ensuring that our interactions are both positive and consensual.

Practicing Self-Touch And Sensual Pleasure Awareness

In times when physical touch from others is limited, such as during health crises or due to personal preference, practicing self-touch can be a valuable way to maintain a sense of connection and comfort. For example, self-hugging can help mitigate feelings of touch deprivation. Here´re useful ways to practice touch and also sensual pleasure awareness for when the possibility of touch is not available:

1 The Art Of The Self-Hug

Practice hugging yourself slowly. Pay attention to how it feels physically and emotionally. This simple act can deepen your connection with yourself and enhance your sense of comfort.

Start by uncrossing your arms and then cross them again, this time in the opposite way. Gently explore this new position and take a moment to notice how your arms feel against your chest and each other. Allow yourself to sink into this position and let your breath become calmer. As you let your arms relax, notice the subtle interactions between your breath, ribs, and arms.

Exercise:

• Cross your arms and let them rest gently.
• Feel the natural rise and fall of your chest with each breath.
• Imagine your arms as part of a soft embrace, allowing them to move with your breath. 

2 Discovering Sensory Awareness

Focus on the sensation of touch by exploring different depths of contact with your fingers. Start with a gentle touch on your fingertips, then gradually explore deeper into the skin, fascia, muscle, and bone. Notice the subtle differences as you go deeper.

Exercise:

• Lightly touch the tip of your little finger and gradually increase the depth of your touch.
• Feel the transition from skin to deeper layers, paying attention to each level. 

3 The Role Of Intentional Touch

Reflect on the impact of intentional touch. Think about how your body language communicates with others and how it mirrors their responses. Touch can be profoundly healing when it is deliberate and filled with emotional intent.

Exercise:

• Imagine hugging someone you care about deeply. Notice how your body responds to this thought.
• Practice mindful hugging by focusing on the intention behind each touch. 

4 Slowing Down To Speed Up

In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to overlook the subtle nuances of our sensory experiences. But what if slowing down could actually lead to a more profound connection with ourselves and others? Taking a deliberate approach to touch and sensory input can enhance your overall experience and lead to more meaningful interactions.

When it comes to touch—whether with yourself or another person—the key to a more fulfilling experience often lies in the pace. Moving too quickly can diminish the quality of the interaction, while slowing down allows you to fully immerse in the moment.

Whether you’re walking to the coffee shop or engaging in a romantic gesture, the quality of your experience is enhanced when you move slowly. By paying attention to each sensation, you can adjust and respond more effectively, making your interactions more impactful.

Exercise:

• Practice walking slowly and mindfully, paying attention to each step and how your body feels.
• Notice how this slower pace affects your overall efficiency and presence. 

5 Embracing The Space Between Stimulus And Response

Understand that between any stimulus and response lies a space where you can choose your reaction. By becoming aware of this space, you can make more thoughtful and intentional responses.

Exercise:

• Take a moment to pause between a stimulus (e.g., a request or interaction) and your response.
• Use this pause to center yourself and choose a response that aligns with your true intentions. 

6 Integrating Touch And Awareness In Daily Life

Apply the principles of touch and presence to your daily interactions. Whether it’s hugging someone, giving a handshake, or simply brushing against someone, bring awareness and intention to each touch.

Exercise: 

• Be mindful of how you interact with others throughout your day.
• Pay attention to the quality and intention behind each touch or gesture.

7 Applying This Concept Across the Senses

While touch is a significant focus, the principles of slowing down and being present apply to all senses:

• Sight: Take time to really look at your surroundings. Notice the details you usually overlook. This could be in the mirror, observing your own body, or appreciating the intricate designs in your environment.
• Sound: Pay attention to the volume and quality of sounds around you. Are they pleasant or distracting? Adjusting the sound levels and being mindful of what you hear can significantly enhance your sensory experience.
• Taste: When trying new flavors, like traditional dishes or exotic ingredients, take small, deliberate bites. This allows you to savor the taste and texture, and assess your response without overwhelming your senses.
• Smell: Engage fully with the scents around you. Take a moment to identify and appreciate different fragrances. This could be in your food, your environment, or even personal care products. 

Practical Exercises to Enhance Sensory Awareness

To incorporate these ideas into your daily life, try these exercises: 

1. Touch Exploration: Spend a few minutes each day exploring different textures with your fingertips. This could be a soft fabric, a rough surface, or even your own skin. Notice how each texture feels and how your response changes.
2. Self-Hug: Practice hugging yourself slowly. Pay attention to how it feels physically and emotionally. This simple act can deepen your connection with yourself and enhance your sense of comfort.
3. Paced Walking: When walking, slow down your pace. Focus on each step and the sensations in your feet and legs. This can help ground you and increase your overall mindfulness. 

Conclusion

Embracing the synergy between slowing down, touch and sensual pleasure awareness can profoundly impact your daily life. By taking the time to engage fully with pleasure through your senses, you enhance your experiences and interactions. Remember, the space between stimulus and response is where true growth and freedom lie. So, the next time you find yourself rushing through an experience, consider slowing down to savor the moment.

Touch Hungry?

Here´s how to master the sensual touch to fee emotional wellbeing, cognitive growth and the connection with yourself and others.

Watch Now

About Margaret Kaye

Margaret Kaye has been teaching the Feldenkrais Method of Movement for over 20 years. Margaret is a certified Feldenkrais® Practitioner, Assistant Trainer, and member of the Australian Feldenkrais Guild. She has run an active practice since graduation from the Melbourne Feldenkrais Professional Training Program in 1991.  Due to an Occupational Overuse injury Margaret was unable to work for several years. This is now a speciality area, amongst others. Margaret also specialises in working with performers, such as actors, musicians and athletes.   She has conducted lessons in various tertiary educational institutions including: the Australian Institute of Music (AIM), both with actors in Dramatic Arts and musicians in the Body Awareness for Musicians class in Classic Performance; and the National Institute of Dramatic Arts (NIDA).

Learn more at:

https://www.feldenkrais.net.au/

https://www.instagram.com/margaretkayefeldenkrais/

New Here?

Hola, I´m Candia Raquel!

A Mexican sensualist, scientist, artist and woman that hosts The Sensual Sessions Podcast and who enjoys contemplating trees and drinking tea.

Dedicated to helping workaholics (like you) overcome numbness and embody sensuality through somatic movement.

Sense your sensual fire to share the flame!

Work with me.

What´s Next

Go to The Sensual Sessions Podcast Episode #105: How To Unblock Pleasure with Chen Agron

Learn more with resources on: Core Anatomy Resources

Discover: The Ecstatic Breathing Practice