#19 Full Body Orgasms And Habits To Avoid Pleasure — Mareen Scholl
Are You Getting Full Body Orgasms Or Just Feeling Pressured To "Get There"?
Trying to get full body orgasms can actually become a habit to avoid pleasure all together because this often comes from an idea of a goal to achieve rather than a true desire.
How To Go From Pressure To Pleasure?
Discover how to from the pressure of getting a whole body orgasm to the source of that desire to indulge on the pleasure of senses, confidence, trust and intimacy in The Sensual Sessions #19 with Mareen Scholl!
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What Are The Biggest Challenges When It Comes To Intimacy To Sensuality And Sexuality?
That's a huge question. People come to my sessions with many different issues because they come from many different backgrounds. So they have all different kinds of gender identity, sexual orientations, social backgrounds. So many different people.
But once they come with, I would say in general, with questions around the bodies, their sexualities, their relationships.
Very often about the way how they perceive themselves, like how they perceive their own body, sexuality, personality.
Are You Normal?
Very often it's related to this typical question like, am I normal? Am I Normal? How I live my sexuality, how see I myself? It looks like everybody else out there kind of normal. Everybody else is confident and good. They don't seem like that a that's a big issue. And also with other topics.
Is There Something Missing?
It comes down to your problem like it's about sensuality. If something were they were they fear, they kind of feel that or they would feel more they would like to see more they would like to do more pleasure. More emotions, more connections, more love. More last. Like, yeah, something is something's missing. Something's missing.
Don´t Believe What Society Says It´s Normal Yeah, it makes sense that people wonder if they are normal, because there's like a societal image of what's normal regarding how you should move and how your lifestyle should be. And how, how everything should be, but we only see at the surface level, like how you dress your makeups and what are your dream and driving but in terms of intimacy, on how you relate sexually or how you relate simply essentially, to your body like simply how you relate to your own pleasure. That is not talked about that is still now in the book. I mean, even in the Hollywood, drama and gossip. We hear about stories, but we don't really know. And we make assumptions of, of what should be normal, but we don't even have a reference. So what is normal marine tell us was basically everything.
Learn For Changing A Problem Or Leaning Into Potential
Yeah, I guess it's how we like oneself. People come to me because they want to change so they want to learn. They want to change because there is an issue or they want to learn about their potential. It doesn't always have to be a problem. But it's like I'm working with people who are coming to me and I'm like, I want to change.
Your Biggest Sexual Wish
Yeah, and for me, it's the basic rules really, what I wish like my biggest wish would be the moment where here in our society, nobody is standing up and saying I know the truth of sexuality. This is for women. It's like that for for men. It's like that. For non binaries. It's like, for menopause, it's laying down so there are so many things here. How things Yeah, and like what I experienced is that every human being is so unique in in who they are, what they bring from their eyes. And what they are looking for, like sexuality, sensuality. They have so many different functions, longing, qualities, challenges, that it's really worth to look into each person to find out what is driving you. What is holding you back. What is question for you and what are also not like I don't have I don't know. I don't know what your sexuality should look like. Let's let's have a look together.
Being Your Own Way Of Normal In Terms Of Sensuality And Sexuality
Yeah, that is great because it makes it it makes me think that what is normal is to be sensual and what is normal is to be sexual as everybody else. But the way you are sensual or sexual. That pertains only to you your uniqueness and your, your authentic expression, just as your DNA or your fingerprint. I mean we all have funny two sets of chromosomes and we have a nose, but we are all different. And it's wonderful to have this understanding. So we can become curious on exploring like the full range of of our own way of being alive and experiencing pleasure.
How To Frame Change
Can you tell us a little bit more about change, like how how to frame change because I've seen in a long time gay friends from from the dancing community here in Mexico before it was like, like more accepted and respected and tolerated to be gay. Many of them just wanted to change and be a third sex. And I remember going to a club with a couple of friends to like events like their university graduation, like the best friend but also if the uncles were there so they see him straight I pretended to be the girlfriend so they don't be discriminated and they wanted to change as if being gay was something wrong. And fortunately, what changed in their mind was that notion and it changed the way they presented to the world as they are and asked for respect. That's just my experience relating to change. So what do you see often that people want to change? They they want to change to conform to an idea of are normal, or how is that very often they don't know?
Changing Somatically Through Touch On The Dressed Or Naked Body I would say because also my work for most people, is when they come to me they don't really know what my work is. Based so either when people are coming to me on site, I also work with touch not only but I can also work with such I can work with touch on the dress body on the naked body, I can work as genitals and we can just go into somatic so but I can work structure or I work online or just on zoom but it's still on somatic and we bring people into our bodies, then people don't know what that means, like they don't have a clue. So they have a sense that that change must have something to do with their bodies. Otherwise they would have come to me. Please, it's more very often that they weren't very often they were to change students more than they tell me about the problem. Yeah, it's often the problem. I don't want to I don't think what was what it is, which was wrong. I've just been challenging, or it causes suffering and pain, and how can I change that?
What´s The Vision For Pleasure?
And that's one of the first things that I told people before I start going really into the work the first thing were really take a lot of time for us to find exactly what is the wish? Like what's the vision, very often people are not aware of what's what's actually the wish, because the wishes that are coming with is often the I don't want to have this and this anymore. Or it's like also similar what you said like how can it be more or how, how can I spend more on the sexuality why is that and I would like to enjoy it. How can I enjoy it? How ca I have pain when it sticks. So how can I get rid of the pain or how my partner's my partner's getting into stress? So how to change that and it's always helping, how can how can I change that? And I'm trying to find a different approach and really finding and trying to find out what is your vision and not so much from your mind, but I'm trying to connect them with something like that, which I find very fascinating because it's always there. When I when I'm going into somatic coaching and somatic somatic talk, even if we haven't that starts to work really intake we find you find the Insight motivation, also the emotional motivation. What's actually I guess an example and that's very classical cliche but it's still attended.
The Whole Body Orgasm Cliche
For example, when people say I want to have a full body orgasm. It's a very queasy orgasm but let's take that full body orgasm, because it must be so amazing. Sometimes people haven't even had one orgasm or they have issues whatsoever. They have like this idea that I need to have such an orgasm. Like that's the best I can have that there are many reasons why people want to have something like that. But yeah, first of all, it would put me under a lot of pressure. If I guarantee them you're going to have your full body orgasm. And, and that's also not the point. The point like really to dig deep into the body and finding out where's this wish actually coming from? Where does it come from? And very often, it's really an emotional point what people associated with it. And this can be a very emotional one, that they just want to be in a deep trust and in a deep connection or that this is the biggest dream what they could imagine this their partner but it's very much about the partner relationship is it's yeah, that was actually much more capable of pleasure and this is of like, the dream of I want to connect with my my inner code, my inner strength, and that's the picture of this. So it's important to find out because it's not in the end. It's really about what smoothing you desire. The wish is the picture they paint. This is key, because I've actually recorded a great Sensual Session about whole body orgasms, and the post I make about whole body orgasms have a lot of likes and comments and controversy everywhere. But now I think that that it can be also a trap as an aspirational thing, like I want to have a new car like now I want to have a full body orgasm and then you you, you relate to that? Not from a core wish, like you say, but as, as another social milestone to achieve like, I want to get a salary raise, I want to have a full body orgasm, because if I don't have it, then I am doing something wrong. So I think it's it's key not fall into that trap that you're on a state of luck and your reference things seem externally these hits very much into a very capitalistic world. Like there's something to achieve and achieving that is good. Yeah, and it's something that I associate with because I forget about parts like this what I find interesting, because like football, also, what does that mean now? Like it's the same with all the talks, what is in the millions 1000s Different painful lessons we can recreate that are talking about pleasurable moments. And the people sometimes don't realize what they already have. And this is what I'm trying to change. Like, this is also an idea of function. Specific, and if my body functions, then isn't that will happen and yes, it's true. I mean, it takes coaching sets, ethics, education, there are a lot of tools that we can actually learn. And there are techniques that we can learn that have been potential and we can all teach that that's true. But in the end, for me, the interesting thing is, like when we think about like ecstasy very often, it's sort of a very big thing. That's huge.
Finding Pleasure In The Awareness Of The Senses To learn about full body orgasm, or to feel connected are so many other things to be connected with my partner, to get rid of the pain when I'm having sex, to be confident in my body to let go of collective traumas and what I should look like. What my sexual identity should be. Being oppressed, minority body, and that's something things that's starting to come back to smallest to the smallest, the smallest element, they say, we can look there. But actually, when we started looking at a single point, what's happening right in this moment and this spot on the skin and to realize wow, that's actually happening so much. Even when I'm not doing anything, no, just like guiding people only into the awareness when I ask them to sense just with that awareness, like in a meditation just to place that attention on to a certain spot in your body and I think the challenge has might be somewhere else to realize, well, just just with noticing where my attention is open. And you can practice this until the rest of your life because you can always don't even think about it anymore. You can go deeper and deeper. And when you're revising the breast and just send the breasts right into that spot and just saying that just for your attention and your breath and it's like it's amazing And place a hand on that spot. And it might be a full body orgasm. It's just enough. That could look like that. Just sitting on your body. And it's everything that needs to happen. Yeah, you get rid of these these pictures. Yeah, external pictures, rather, looking inside, onto the raw experience of what's going on in your body. And that comes from from being willing to listen to yourself and being willing to direct your attention on what's going on. In you and welcome that experience and naming that experience. That might as well be your own expression of a whole body orgasm, rather than the Hollywood picture or all the footage that we often see the unsex that is, it's not really I mean, you see the interviews with the actors, and that's what they are. They are actors. And it's very interesting that there's a point where the body doesn't lie and you can spot an acting.
Going Into What Plays Out For You
So yeah, so important to go into what plays out for me, it's it's a lot about eternity actually. So because the whole gamut of what is happening while the fine art and science I'm saying it to nobody, it becomes very, very intimate. The moment you really start feeling what is happening, it's very intimate. And also because then you will, you will need to find ways to sense it in yourself. But when you go also into interaction with other people and making your sexuality but also out in the world now.
What Do You Want To Connect With That Is Nourishing?
Not only your sexualities, whatever is happening in our world. What do I want to work with? What do I want to connect? What kind of people on what kind of pleasures. Am I actually filling up nicely now? Are the pleasures good for me like what what's part that all humans feel pleasure in a sense, where we feel that is nourishing us deeply. So that is the moment where I need to sense that in myself. And allowed to say, oh, yeah, that's actually what is nourishing me. And sometimes that's hard to say because that might be something completely different is what I used to do and what I'm doing whatever reasons in my life but then also going into communications that because we call on us to come up with our own conception of ourselves and our needs.
You Need To Start Talking About What You Need And How You Feel
We need to start talking about yes, because otherwise we will not get the space. We need to tell people what we need and how we feel. And that might even cause conflict and challenges for the opposite when we usually don't do that. And yeah, most of our society doesn't do that. So it's a lot about daring to speak up, don't speak up of what is actually there, even if it's challenging them and finding ways.
Creating A Culture Of Consent To Make Safe Spaces
This opens up the questions about a culture of communication such as, I mean, there's no shortcut nowadays, but a culture of consent. How can we actually speak together and come together and live together if we might have even other opinions or other needs? How can we still live together in a consensual way? Where we see each other and also Yeah, except first of all, that might feel different than me and not already reacting on it or fighting against it, but say, okay, that's that's where we are and listen a little bit cheaper of where we find common space or not. Safe Spaces. Yeah, during also to to see the other and let the other make his own decisions in regards to themselves and regarding to you. This is a 180 degree shift of being worried about being normal according to what you think it's normal because of what you see on TV and social media to asking yourself, Is this good for me? Do I want this knowing your true know something about?
Shifting Your Whole Brain To Change
You said something about change. I just remember what I think about change. And maybe also change because when I think about somatic coaching is all about changing, shifting your whole brain. Somatic somatic work is really taking over where body mind, so emotions, the body everything, it's just coming together. And it's a very crucial question of what change actually means. In our work. Because, I mean, I'm not treating people in that sense. They come to me and I practice something on them and then they might not like and I'm guiding people to connect more with themselves to find their own way and I can influence that in the end. They have to find their own way. And my work works best if people don't need to come anymore. Yeah, so the goal is not that I have to, I have to you're gonna have to have this long term. So be nice financially, but that's actually not my task. My task is to teach them something and to find out something where they where they learn something inside of their bodies where they haven't you reference in themselves, or other tools and skills, very practical, very pragmatic, that they can take into their lives. Because this usually is the biggest challenge. Like when you go to these huge workshops is happening experience. Wise, it's also like in safe container. You have like very, very strong, very strong practices.
When Intensity Is No Better Than Daily Habits For Pleasure
Now when you think of all the brush stuff, or like I don't know, there's so many things that are really intense when you do them. But this is really not what you're doing. So what is it actually what makes people to stay connected with work with what they are learning so that it doesn't feel like how it works or it doesn't get ditched down but by the daily habits because a lot of people have like, they can't do everything different. Different, but in the end they will not do it because it didn't really stick like it's not they don't know how smart people get. So used to us in terms of change. I realize sometimes it is the big experiences where we can let go, wow, suddenly, I'm like, Whoa, this I have this evolution. But for me in sessions, it's usually very time bound and worked on one moment. They really don't experience their body in a different way. They just help and they realize why. Like for me it's a connection of both. The basis is that they may go into a different experience when they already as I said like in the intake I find out what is really their motivation and then which and then even if this is bigger, which they want to change the partnership, but find out the state of what they want to be in. We're gonna find the state inside the session and so they know well, it is actually already possible. Yes. Right now, not later, some way the future the way I want to feel is happening right now, after one hour after two hours, and so they start to trust themselves. And the body's like, wow, this is this is where I'm one of them. I want to go away from that. But well, this is where one of them.
Yes, yes. In the every day, build things moment by moment that you experience and you recognize yourself. Because yeah, being on a workshop makes like the perfect environment for a huge experience to come out and can be life changing. But after the rebuilding workshop, a life changing experience. You're gonna go back to your nine to five office. I mean if that's your lifestyle of pleasing clients, if you're a freelancer or whatever, chasing your five kids, your stay at home wife.
Making Your Own Definition Of Pleasure Beyond Whole Body Orgasm Goal Mindset
So what is key, is that to coming back to you and notice what is your own definition of pleasure of sensuality, sexuality and how you're experiencing that is this connects to what a whole body orgasm really is and really means it's like, don't be distracted by the accurate image of what is and that is described by cosmopolitan or I don't know what magazines do you have embodied. But turning inwards and realize like, oh, this is already a whole body orgasm. And actually, I have been having this kind of pleasure since a long time.
Go Into Different Experiences
They realize why. For me it's a collection of both the basis that they really go into a different experience where they already as I said, like in the intake I found out what is really their motivation and then which and then even if this is a bigger which they want to change their partnership, but find out the state or what they want to be in that we're gonna find the state inside the session, and so they know well, it is actually already possible. Yes. Right now not later. So when the future the way I want to feel is happening right now, after one hour or two hours, and so they start to trust themselves. The body's like, wow, this is this is where I want to I want to be.
Exercise To Connect With Pleasure
So tell us what's one tool that our audience can take and practice every day. To get connected with their own pleasure? Yeah. Yeah. Is there a specific tool and there's a setting for it? Like because if you like, my channel today, for me, it's me. Slowing down and allowing breaks. And this is one simple it sounds. This is the biggest thing for most of people allowing breaks, because usually they are. They are all taken by their own data. It's not a way how they are working. It's like being being busy with their families. It's being busy with their hobbies, everything and it's like a hobby so something when they find it something that I like, like taking breaks from people it's so difficult. And this is a practice then to say, Okay, I'm practicing taking breaks and even if it's just for three minutes or five minutes, doing this again, and again, and just tuning into the body, it's like mini meditations to say you want to place the intention on genitals to do that a bit more sexually and dive into the topic of sexuality, but you can do it basically there's a whole body and when it comes to it, it's it is a tool that is a general tool, but very specifically described from the concept of consent, something what we use very much in fact, social system.
Waking up the fingertips, which can also like waking up just your sensory organ which is basically your skin which is basically a neutral body. But as we're using a lot our hands in our daily life as a functional tool, just grabbing things and doing things the whole time and a lot grabbing things and doing things is also not related to our, the way how we perceive the world. No, it's like, connect also with our eyes. It connects to our ratio. So we're trying to see things to analyze things and to make something out what is it just planted around? Why did you just take the hands to allow them to to feed ourselves like that means we're becoming the giver and the receiver over ourselves but also like taking the attention of really taking the pleasure. So this is an exercise with finger tips. How does it feel on my fingertips under my fingertips? And when I'm breathing into my hands, my arms, my full body, what I'm sensing them and letting you touch ourselves. But you can also join an object that makes it easier to differentiate the giving and the receiving. So this is why beautiful task to do it in your older life. Because you can actually start doing it don't. they like? more pleasurable it adds another dimension of experience in this wonderful existence. Yes, yeah. And also allowing you to let it sink in and like what I'm sensing and really what I'm sensing in your body. It's not just the hand outside that does sensing what does it do to your body? And what does it make you feel but also in sense of? It makes you cozy. It makes you sad? It makes you know just that feeling your body. It's always a question that it comes back whatever sensing outside, how does it make me feel? This is the biggest question that I'm using in my mind. How is that to you? How does it make you feel?
Makes me feel very good. And I hope everyone listening this amazing essential session to marine thank you so much. This has been extraordinarily pleasurable and revealing also because it helps put things into their place and in the right dimension and ask the right questions regarding what's normal. What's good for me what makes me feel pleasure, and how to communicate that first with yourself and then to your significant others. I think this is a basic knowledge for everyone.
About Mareen
Institut Für Somatische Bildung, Sexualität & Körperarbeit Berlin, Founder and Teacher
As a somatic coach, somatic sex educator, sexological bodyworker and holistic bodyworker, Mareen accompanies people with their heart's desires: bringing their visions into the world and embodying their essence. As a focus, she supports people in discovering and deepening their sexuality and living more consciously in body, mind and desire. Her motivation is to inspire people for a meaningful and self-determined life and to open up an experience of being connected. With her courses she creates playful and healing opportunities for diversity, connection and encounter. She is trained in various forms of bodywork and massage as well as trauma-oriented holistic bodywork and therapy. With free constellation and parts work, she brings to light intuitively moving inner landscapes and locates people in space and time/lessness. With her many years of experience with Tao, Kink, BDSM and in sex-positive experimental rooms, she accompanies people in differentiated rooms on different levels of their pleasurable and meaningful existence.
Contact Mareen at:
Editorial Note On The Title:
As much as technical circumstances dont allow the full title to be "full body orgasm and OTHER forms to avoid pleasure", as much the limited picture and understanding of subtle, individual and unnormative forms of arousal inhibit our capacity for pleasure. What treasures are to be found to live a meaningful and enriching intimate life?
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