#49 How To Connect Sensually As A Whole — Erifily Nikola
Waiting or your Better Half to Fulfill You? Start by Connecting Sensually as a Whole
Discover in this episode #49 of The Sensual Sessions Podcast how to meet the beloved by sharing center in order to connect sensually as whole onto yourself sharing your best and receiving the best with, Feldenkrais Method® Practitioner and Kripalu Yoga Teacher, Erifily Nikola.
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Discovery of Tribal Fusion Belly Dance and Yoga
“In my early 20s, I discovered Tribal Fusion belly dance which is a style of belly dance that fuses together different stylizations from Indian dance, Flamenco, and traditional belly dance. It was creative, open, and fun, and most teachers in Tribal Fusion also taught yoga. Therefore, I did my yoga training to become a good teacher because, to teach dance, you also need to have anatomy knowledge.”
Discovery of Feldenkrais
“During my yoga training, I discovered Feldenkrais, and it was a perfect circle full circle moment because when I discovered Feldenkrais, I understood that this was what I was looking for this whole time. It was love at first sight for me.”
“I went into a training in Basel, Switzerland, without ever having had a Feldenkrais lesson either a functional integration or awareness to movement. I had just read the Awareness Through Movement book, and I was sold on the method. My teacher, Paul Rubin, asked me if I was sure about the four-year training since I had no experience, but I was convinced and ready to go.”
“The Awareness Through Movement book is a thesis of Moshe Feldenkrais's method, which is all about movement and awareness.”
Feldenkrais for Developing Awareness
Feldenkrais is a specialized method that helps individuals develop awareness through movement like other practices such as ballet and martial arts require awareness of the body. Though, Feldenkrais is not only about developing awareness of one's body and movements but also about developing a sense of oneself in a fleshly anatomical and skeletal way. This goes beyond the awareness we have through our thoughts or actions.
Awareness is essential to personal growth and development. While we need to be aware of our surroundings in everyday life.
Finding Passion Through Life-Altering Experiences
Erifily shares a personal story about a life-changing moment when they were working as a graphic designer and experienced a massive earthquake. Despite being under their desk as the building collapsed, the speaker was unharmed and came out of the experience with a newfound appreciation for life.
This event prompted her to pursue their passions more passionately, leading them to Feldenkrais and other mindfulness practices.
Feldenkrais is a powerful method for developing awareness and a deeper sense of self. Ultimately, following the paths that have a heart is essential to a fulfilling life.
Life, Death, and Clarity
"I discovered that many many people who have this kind of uh life death moments get into this space of extreme clarity and then you know everything becomes a lot easier to to jump off the cliff and go into a four-year training by just reading a book yes wow wow."
Theres power in facing one's mortality because can bring about a sense of extreme clarity to prioritize what is truly important in life. And have sense of urgency to make choices that align with your true desires.
Erifily shares a metaphor they found in classical Indian dance where the eyes play a crucial role in orienting oneself. They describe how focusing on what one is afraid of can steer them away from their goals, while keeping their eyes on where they want to go can help them stay on track. This is an expression of the power of choice as the eyes control the muscles of the spine and therefore your focus is connected to the ability to make choices.
Many people who experience life-death moments gain extreme clarity. It becomes easier for them to make big decisions, like jumping off the cliff and going into a four-year training just by reading a book. This realization is like a mantra that one can live by. It is a reminder that we cannot take the next day, hour, or second for granted. When faced with the reality of death, life becomes more real, more tangible, and we are compelled to own ourselves and make choices based on our true desires. We realize that time is too precious to waste, and we must go all-in.
The Importance of Awareness in Modern Times
In the age of digital distractions, it's becoming increasingly challenging to maintain focus and awareness. The constant stream of notifications and social media feeds can quickly derail our attention, leading to a reduced attention span. To combat this, it's essential to see where we put our focus and choose to maintain it as a matter of life and death. Otherwise, we may find ourselves at the end of the day realizing that we didn't accomplish what we set out to do or that our achievements didn't bring us any satisfaction.
The Need to Maintain Focus for a Fulfilling Life
Maintaining focus is vital for survival and long-term survival. It's tied to sexuality and our ability to pass on our genes to the next generation. It's also linked to our ability to interrelate with others, including how we communicate through platforms like Instagram and WhatsApp. Being aware of ourselves and our sensations can impact how we relate to others and experience life's pleasures.
The Importance of Awareness for Sexual and Interpersonal Relations
At the Pleasure Connection 1:1 Mentoring sessions often reveal a common problem is revealed. Clients who've worked hard to achieve pleasure may find themselves in an empty space once they've reached their goal. They're unable to enjoy the moment because they lack the necessary awareness to experience it fully. To avoid this, it's essential to practice awareness regularly, making it a part of your lifestyle.
The Role of Awareness in Enjoying Life's Pleasures
Awareness is essential for enjoying life's pleasures fully. Practicing awareness can help you sense and feel the world around you, allowing you to fully experience moments of celebration and joy. Without awareness, even the most beautiful experiences can feel superficial, leaving you feeling unfulfilled.
How Awareness of the Body Can Impact Relationships
Awareness of the body and movement practices can positively impact how you relate to others. By being aware of yourself and your sensations, you can better understand others and connect with them on a deeper level. On the other hand, a lack of awareness can negatively impact relationships, leading to misunderstandings and miscommunication.
Somatics, Self-Observation, and the Importance of Interaction
Its easy to become absorbed in somatics, making it difficult to come out of it. Often after a group Feldenkrais lesson, you may need time alone before interacting with others.
In a way theres a dark side to awareness by getting too absorbed in awareness practices that you close off to others.
But it´s important to interact with others and not lose touch with the experiences of other people. Aikido and clowning workshops helped Erifily to reconnect with others. And discovered how Aikido has become an extension of her somatics practice, involving a second person and their mass, leading to better ways of relating to others.
The Pleasures of Isolation
There´s a great pleasure in being isolated and experiencing your own sensations, which include drinking tea, practicing Feldenkrais, stretching, meditating and so on. After feeling the wonders of the universe within yourself you may become possessive and jealous of your own space which may lead to isolating yourself from the world in order to experience your own sensual paradise of little sensations. But the dark side of isolation of being cut off from the rest of the world may keep you from the possibility of experiencing a true paradise that emerges in connection with others. So why not inviting others into one's private beach of experiencing the wonders of life.
In a way, there´s no pleasure as having someone make you feel something you didn't know you so badly wanted to feel. It´s a unique pleasure receiving this gift from someone who can sense aspects in you that are unknown to yourself.
Don´t stay isolated, instead invite others to experience the sensual wonders in life with you.
Finding Your Center of Power and Expanding Sensually: Importance of Connection and Intimacy
Erifily found her center during a period of introspection then, after being in a stable, safe place she expanded outward with confidence to engage with others again.
Honesty and boundaries are important when expanding outward from one's center, as challenging as this may be in the face of external influences.
Finding and expanding your center is key intimacy, as engaging with others can reveal unknown aspects of yourself. While sharing one's center with others is a like a healthy glue to important relationships. But not as the other half that completes you, but as a synergic center that helps you get further than where you could take yourself, while at the same time you do the same for the other.
So, why not embrace the challenge of engaging with others while maintaining in you a strong sense of self.
The Center of Power in Aikido
Aikido philosophy emphasizes the use of the opponent's center to move one's own center of power. This approach can be applied to create armonious relationships, not just in physical combat.
Discovering the Center of Power during Pregnancy and Childbirth Erifily felt somehow that some of her center of power moved outside her body when her daughter was born. “I was already into Feldenkrais, was very aware of my body and was allowed to go for a walk in the hospital before childbirth. Then I could physically feel the center of my world being outside my body it was like if she had a string and she was pulling and the more I would try to walk away from the hospital I could feel myself being pulled back because she was the center now it was outside of me. I had found it fascinating because babies are so weak and and they need so much, so there was this anxiousness but also there was this lack of center that had been pushed outside and you know I was trying to play around with it as much as I could because I found it a very interesting experience. Now she's older so I got my center of power back.”
So, in a way parenting involves the transfer of the center from the parent to the child. As children grow up and establish their own centers, parents can regain their own sense of center and personal space.
Toxic Relationships VS Self-Confidence
There´s a danger of creating a toxic relationship by having one partner being viewed as the "abyss" that needs to be filled by the other that is viewing itself as a glorious “mountain”. Such relationships are draining and often lead to resentment and an imbalance of power.
Self-confidence in relationships should be the foundation upon which any healthy partnership is built. Individuals who have a strong sense of their own center and take ownership of their decisions are more likely to have successful relationships.
That´s why it´s important to prioritize your own sense of wholeness before entering into relationships in order to have healthier, more fulfilling partnerships in the long run.
Maturity and Letting Go
Not everyone who grows older matures. Fear of letting go can hold us back from maturing in our relationships with others and with ourselves. It´s like that friend who doesn't want their children to grow up, but needs to learn how to be open to change and let go of attachments.
Maturity develops in facing life's challenges because it involves being willing to deal with life as it is, in a shared and centered way. Practice maturity by being aware and using your experience to determine if you're on the right path.
You´ll take ownership of yourself in the world by choosing how to deal with challenges. For example by choosing being involved in you giving birth by intuitively moving your body to ease discomfort and connect with your center. This centering of oneself through movement will lead to finding ways to have a better experience, even in difficult situations.
You can become aware of your body by sensing your movement and the body, for example of the sensation of the psoas muscle when walking. Then you can connect to your sense of center.
Everything is expansion, contraction, and movement, and that it's all waves, soul waves. Letting go and being open to change is a way to mature.
Lack of Trust in One's Body
Not many people trust their body because they have been taught not to trust their sensations, thoughts, or emotions. This has led to a lack of trust in one's own body.
But by taking one's center and expanding it you can overcome the lack of trust in your body.
Pleasurable Ways of Moving
Students and older women who have had trouble and pain in their bodies been surprised to learn that there are pleasurable ways of moving that can alleviate pain.
There´s a popular misconception that pain is good for the body and necessary for progress, which is commonly heard in dance or gymnastics while in actuality this is a negative education to numb the self.
Makes no sense this information about pleasurable ways of moving and trusting one's own body is not being taught in schools.
Think for Yourself
Wonder what's going on within yourself at any level, especially physically. Even if society discourages individuals from doing so. Then you´ll discover that there are more pleasurable ways of moving and getting away from pain, that´ll lead you to trust yourself more.
Detachment from Sensitive Experience of Ourselves
Many people in Europe and America are detached from the sensitive experience of themselves, which leads to pharmaceutical and medical industries making huge profits. The detachment also affects consumer behavior as people buy products to feel comfortable within themselves. Pleasure has become a product in our society, but people often do not get the pleasure they expect from such products.
Connecting to your Body and to your Beloved
Candia shares an experience with a dear student who was struggling to connect with her own body and ultimately, with her husband. The student had spent six decades of her life feeling like a stranger to herself and living on autopilot, only fulfilling her marital duties. Candia's mentoring helped her student rediscover intimacy and pleasure in life, leading her to claim that such teachings should be included in school curriculums worldwide.
Claiming Pleasure as Birthright
Pleasure and satisfaction are a birthright that everyone should claim. People need to take ownership of their pleasure and make responsible choices for the life they want to live. It is no one else's responsibility but theirs. It´s important for us people to be honest with themselves, others, and the world by becoming responsible for their desires and satisfaction.
Pleasure and being alive are amazing, and we need to take authority on the choices we make for our lives. Claim your pleasure now and not wait for anyone else to do it for you.
About Erifily Nikola
We live in continuous movement...Often unaware of our body, our sensationsand our breath. Our minds buzzing with imagery and self talk. Relentless. "In my classes... I want to offer you the space and time to unfold your potential. And through the practice of body awareness and sensory clarity, help you find a more comfortable and pleasurable way of being." Unlock your body’s movement potential!
I am a certified Feldenkrais Practitioner (2012) and Kripalu Yoga Teacher (2008) with a passion for both the human body and the human potential. I live in Athens, Greece. I teach Online Feldenkrais lessons in Greek & English. In my classes I offer people the space and time to unfold themselves.
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Visit Erifily´w Website: https://www.feldenkraisandyoga.com/
What´s Next
Go to The Sensual Sessions Podcast Episode #50: Embodying Creativity: The Eros of Transformation with Thomas Kampe PhD (Coming Soon)
Learn more with resources on: Bodymind Resources
Discover: The Ecstatic Breathing Practice
