#80 Empathic Communication To Unleash Pleasure — Rodrigo Suarez
Why Empathic Communication Is Key To Unleash Pleasure
Empathic communication removes the aggression and increases trust between people by being able to stand in the shoes of the other without loosing ones stance when stating differences.
The Danger Of Being A People Pleaser And How Empathic Communication Can Save You
We´re expected to be polite regardless how we feel.
Seems like a let down saying you´re not in the mood to hook up when your partner is fully turned on by your irresistible natural allure. While if you´re 100% honest saying you´re feeling disgusted with the mere idea of intercourse you´ll come across as aggressive.
The danger of being a People Pleaser is in bypassing communicating your truth for the sake of politeness because you risk loosing trust. But the opposite seems like a threat to the relation itself.
Truth is this is nuanced. Politeness doesn´t mean to be fake while being sincere doesn´t mean to be rude.
The key is to communicate rejection in an empathic way, by placing yourself in the shoes of the other person. Like, saying you´re not in the mood at the moment because of exhaustion, or whatever the reason, but you´re definitely attracted to them and love that they´re turned on by you. This can save you, because instead of creating separation you will strengthen trust.
3 Keys To Communicate In An Empathic Way
Keep this in mind whenever you need to express a different point of view to avoid coming across as aggressive as you talk or even worse, becoming secretive for not talking your truth.
1 State the positive.
Notice the good intention of the other even if they failed. Like making you know you´re wanted
2 Avoid judgment.
Remove the words: Should and must. Don´t say they should have better timing.
Remove labels: Talk about the situation, not the person. Don´t label the person as sex machine.
3 Be empathic.
Literally place yourself in the shoes of the other person by rehearsing your words in front of the mirror until you express in a way that doesn´t feel bad.
How To Use Empathic Communication Listening If You Feel Blamed
You may feel not taken into account when the other person is rejecting you. Use these steps to build empathy:
1 Listen the intent.
If you know there´s not ill intention, it´s most likely that the other person simply is not using the previous 3 Keys of Empathic Communication.
2 Listen empathically.
Notice the stance of the other person and try to place yourself in their shoes to get the big picture.
3 State your boundary.
Give a summary from the stance of the other person to communicate you listened with empathy. Then state your boundary sharing your stance.
Unleashing Intimate Pleasure Through Empathic Communication
Words can be a turn off on intimacy.
Other than some “dirty talk,” the best is to let the body talk. But even then, if you think you need to say something, you should definitely say it because this is part of having healthy boundaries.
Know what´s better? To build a state were words are not needed. But to get there you need to say words first. Just like Freud said, one bares naked through words.
It´s through words that the safety for intimacy is built so the bodies can meet in the vulnerable embrace of the flesh.
Ready To Unleash Intimate Pleasure Through Empathic Communication?
Here at the Episode #80 “Empathic Communication To Unleash Pleasure” of The Sensual Sessions podcast with Libresencia Co-Founder, Alexander Technique Teacher and Classical Cello Player, Rodrigo Suárez.
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Time Marks
0:57 How to communicate pleasure and desire while stating boundaries.
3:22 Tracking down early experiences of rejection during upbringing.
5:10 Communicating in a way less likely to come across as secretive or aggressive.
5:25 How to listen with empathy so the other person opens up.
7:12 How to get comfortable with the vulnerability of empathically communicating emotions.
7:42 How to empathically decline intimacy when you´re not in the mood.
9:46 Pleasure killers to avoid when communicating on intimacy.
13:08 Coming to the heart of the matter with empathy to reinforce attraction.
13:53 Empathic communication to overcome an impasse and unleash pleasure.
15:49 Avoid this words to prevent resentment with your partner.
16:36 Stating a boundary in a non-violent way.
20:03 How to empathically communicate needs and wants on the vulnerable context of sexuality to create sensual intimacy.
About Rodrigo Suárez
Rodrigo is co-founder of Libresencia, for those who want to feel free to be themselves, without fear, without shame and without conflict. Since childhood he studied cello, and loved it. During puberty, he experienced his parents' divorce. He remembers his adolescence as the most difficult time of his life. Since then, he started looking for personal transformation tools. At the age of 18, he travelled to study a bachelor's degree at the London College of Music, where he graduated, but the perfectionism of the teachers reduced his pleasure in playing. The good thing is that at that college he learned about the Alexander Technique. After his bachelor's degree, Rodrigo pursued the three-year training in London to become a certified Alexander Technique teacher. It was there where his great transformation happened, both at a bodily and mental-emotional level. He is now a member of the Mexican Association of Alexander Technique Teachers (APTAM) and has been helping others inhabit their bodies for 23 years. Rodrigo's other passion is Nonviolent Communication (NVC), an approach in which he is certified by the Center for Nonviolent Communication, and that he has been sharing with others for 12 years. It can be said that Rodrigo and his life partner Madeleine owe their relationship to NVC, which is especially valuable now that they are parents. He is convinced that if we want to improve the world we live in, it is essential to learn how to communicate better. Rodrigo has taught workshops at many universities, conservatoires, professional orchestras and business.
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What´s Next
Go to The Sensual Sessions Podcast Episode #81: Sensual Memory Appreciative Inquiry Explorations with Robert Boyd
Learn more with resources on: Sensual Confidence Resources
Discover: The Ecstatic Breathing Practice
